Quotes about Miscarriage

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance month.  On Labor Day weekend 2 years ago, I lost my first baby to miscarriage. It was something I always dreaded, something I knew was statistically bound to happen sooner or later. And knowing that it might or would eventually happen did not make it any easier. It was terrible.

A month ago John and I put aside a few hours and went through all of the piles of paperwork around our house.  Birthday cards for each child put in their memory boxes, cute artwork either saved or 'filed' away, and all meaningful correspondence organized by year.  2016 was a wreck to organize. It didn't hit me until we were almost done why that year was so hard to organize. That was the most difficult year of my life to date, because of the miscarriage.  Here we are, two years later, just getting our lives somewhat organized.

Today I picked up a book while nursing Allegra, and I just happened to start reading about what women have to say about miscarriage. The format of the book is set up so many women answer the same questions. I started flipping through and reading what each woman had to say about their miscarriages.  The book is called "Three Decades of Fertility" and I am going to share some of these from the heart quotes with you.


"I've learned over the years, and through five losses so far, that God doesn't give me grace to face tomorrow's trials, but He abundantly pours out His comfort, strength, and peace in the middle of today's trials...I will also have had the privilege of being part of the creation of an eternal soul. I will choose to "look not to the things that are seen but to the things which are unseen." 2 Corinthians 4:18"

***

"When I lose a baby or contemplate losing a baby, I view it the way God does - as a surrendering of that life back to Him. He gives and He takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord, regardless of our feeling in that matter."

~~~~

"I do know that when we began to trust in God's sovereignty over the womb, we knew it had to go both ways.  If we were going to trust Him to provide for us as He gave us children, we also needed to learn to trust Him with the children He chose to withhold or take home."  

⟷

"If God gave me a child who grew to be 90 years old, then praise the Lord! But, as a servant of the Lord, if He ordained for me to only hold my child in the womb for a few weeks or months, and never in my arms, then I wanted to praise Him for that opportunity too, as excruciating as the loss may be! "Let it be to me according to your word." Luke 1:38"

-----

"The Bible says that "to live is Christ and to die is gain." Philippians 1:21 Although I grieve, I always rejoice in the hope that my miscarried children are experiencing gain. Even through tears, I am grateful that the Lord used my womb to bring forth precious souls for Christ."

OOO

"I just lost a baby a few months ago. Our children knew that the baby's life was in danger, yet they prayed for many days with great faith and hope that our baby would live. And God's answer was, "No." We have a family worship time most nights, and it was during one of those family times that we broke the news that we had lost the baby. We cried. I want my children to see my tears as they testify to the value of our precious baby. When a loved one dies, we cry.  We also prayed. As we walk together through seasons of grief, trusting our loving Lord, we model true faith for our children.  "Though he slay me, I will hope in him." Job 13:15 Even when our hearts are breaking, we love and trust our Heavenly Father."

+++

"I have thought a lot about fear. After losing Johanna I experienced a lot of fear. Fear that tried to take over in every pregnancy after her loss. God has taught me that fear is not of Him.  There are so many Bible passages that tell us not to fear but to trust God. Another form of fear is worry - something else that God tells us we are not to do. When facing fears, I try to remind myself to think of what is true, especially what is true about God and His love for me. I remind myself that God promises to give strength to the weak, comfort to those who mourn, and that we are held in His hand. I remind myself that He does all things well, and He never makes a mistake. He orchestrates all things in my life for my good and His glory."

ᐞᐞᐞ

"Miscarriages are unpleasant and a bit scary.  One of my miscarriages was worse than the others, resulting in excessive bleeding. The next two were not severe, but I still had the depression that comes from hormonal adjustment and loss. The pain of laboring and knowing there would be no more pregnancy and baby at the end was discouraging. Yet, I knew that God was in control, and if He desired another child in our home, I was certainly ready!" 

⇆

Each child conceived is a living, eternal soul whose days were ordained by God. Whether your child lives for 60 days within the womb, lives for a few hours outside the womb, or is blessed with 100 years on this planet, his days were determined. Job 14:5 sates, "Since his days are determined, and this number of his months is with you, and you have appointed his limits that he cannot pass." The Psalmist says, "Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them." Psalm 139:16  You will not have any more children than what the Lord has ordained. A friend once told me that your quiver is full with the last child you have . Right now our quiver is full, unless God gives us another baby. With each conception you are promoting life and learning to live by faith in the One True, Living God."

***

"We are very honest with our children. As much as I would like to keep my children form the pain of death, it is a part of our journey here on earth.  God uses the loss of a loved one, even a baby that you have only begun to be excited about, as a way to sanctify us. We talk about God's sovereign plan for each of our lives and how we do not know the days God has ordained for us. We talk about how the days of the little one that we are laying in the ground were precious and how that child has forever changed our lives even though they are no longer with us. I am very happy to introduce myself as a mother of eight even though one of my children is gone. I think this is important for the children as well. We do not sweet the miscarriage under the rug or tiptoe around the subject but address it head on."

~~~

"During my most recent pregnancies I learned to praise the Lord for the lives growing within me, whether that was for a few weeks or full term. I felt such excitement each time the Lord allowed us to conceive in our 40s. I wanted to treasure every moment of having life within me. I had experienced having that life taken away and decided to celebrate each day I was pregnant...when I miscarried for the first time, I was grieved that we would not get to raise the twins that had begun growing within me. I was sad that my other children would never know those siblings this side of heaven.  Yet, the Lord is gracious. He gently showed me that He had a good plan for my life, even in miscarriage....I know the Lord doesn't make mistakes. He is the One who causes babies to grow inside the womb, and He takes them when He knows it is best. It has been a hard and good lesson to learn. Our children here on earth and the children we have in Heaven are all gifts from the Lord, whether I have seen them yet or not. I praise Him for each one."

---

"We want all of our children to understand that God is in control, and He knows what we can handle and when. Talking about the great possibility of meeting our babies in Heaven has helped us all to find comfort in the loss, knowing that we have children/brothers/sisters waiting with Jesus for us in heaven."

+++

"I mention in my story that I had nine miscarriages, most of them occurring around 12 weeks. We never did find out why. I think it might have had to do with hormone levels....I want to share this with other women as encouragement because a miscarriage can be such a traumatic event, especially if you have never delivered a healthy child. They can makes us think that something is wrong with us.  Yet, as my doctor often said, miscarriages are normal for some women, and we often won't know why.  My husband never really seemed to grieve a miscarriage. I did. To a mother, the baby is ripped out of her womb, and it doesn't matter how you paint it, it is traumatic. From the moment you know you are harboring another little person in your womb, your life unconsciously revolves around them. It's frightening, awesome, and exhilarating, all at the same time....Sometimes I sit in my nursery and look at the newborn baby pictures of our live children and wonder about the other ones who went to heaven.  I know God had a purpose for their lives, and I wonder if I will know them in the new heaven and the new earth."

My Little Monkey

She's turning five in a few days; this girl is going to move mountains. 

Worth the Risk?

    This week has been an extremely busy week in the "safer vaccination" camp.  J. B. Handley just released his book titled "How to End the Autism Epidemic". I'm anxiously awaiting this book in the mail, after reading several reviews I'm floored by what people are saying about it.  In other news, Robert F. Kennedy is taking the Department of Justice to task for purposefully canceling their key witness who would have argued that some children, due to a certain medical condition called mitochondrial disorder can become autistic after receiving vaccines. Had this witness been allowed to speak, 5,000 cases might have gone to vaccine court. But the DOJ silenced the whole deal and 5,000 (autism) vaccine injury cases were thrown out. No compensation. No justice for 5,000 children. And those are just the ones who actually filed a claim.

   On Del Bigtree's show, The Highwire,  it was noted that in the case of Hannah Poling, the government ruled vaccines caused her regressive autism.  She has a mitochondrial disorder and after being vaccinated she regressed into autism.  Shortly after her case, the head of the CDC did an interview which you can watch below, in which she admits that children with mitochondrial disorders can regress into autism after vaccination.





It was also noted on The Highwire, that since Hannah Poling's case, 1,000,000 children have been diagnosed with autism. My question, and I hope everyone else's question, is why the CDC has done nothing since 2009, when the director flat out stated on national television that there is a known subgroup of babies/toddlers who will potentially regress into autism following vaccination?  From my studies there are many, many KNOWN factors that are involved in a baby being born autistic or regressing into autism. Vaccination is not the only 'cause'. It's more like a 'final straw' for some children. Having certain gene mutations, like the MTHFR, can contribute to determining if a child will be predisposed to autism. Since science knows this, why has nothing been done? It's 2018 for goodness sake. How many of those 1,000,000 children could have been spared? Was it worth the risk for those families?

    It seems to me that if the government really cared, they could easily add something like the blood test at birth to check babies out. Except that, it would mess up their schedule. Because most babies are given Hepatitis B vaccination just hours after they are born. In fact, the majority of vaccinations are given to people who can't talk, express their feelings, or even show their feelings well. No one knows just how their two month old is reacting to the vaccines because THEY CAN'T TALK. And it's safer that way (for those in charge, not for the infant.)

    Just last year in vaccine court, a case of SIDS went through. Vaccines were a clear cut precursor to this specific SIDS case.  Again, the question begs, if it happened to one baby, how many more did it happen to? How many of the 3,600 babies that died in 2016 were the result of a bad vaccine reaction?  How many in the past 40 or 50 years? Was it worth the risk for those families?

   It really wows me that anyone can easily look up vaccine adverse reaction payouts from the government (including entire details of each case), visit VAERS (Vaccine Adverse Events Reporting System) and limit searches to "did not recover" "death" etc., and still not admit that vaccines CAN cause autism, CAN cause SIDS, and CAN cause all sorts of really serious suffering for more than a few children across America.  No, not all vaccines kill, maim, or otherwise. Lots of children turned out just fine. But was it worth the risk for the parents who either literally or figuratively lost their children after that fateful vaccination? Each one of those parents will say no. Unaffected parents will say yes.

    Unaffected parents are worried about measles, whooping cough, rotavirus, and pneumonia and meningitis. Affected parents either don't have a child, or have a child who is continually sick for the rest of their life. There seems to be a disconnect and I don't really understand the lack of empathy for fellow mankind.  What ALL parents ought to do is asses their child's risk for individual diseases and their risk for adverse events from the vaccines. This is what I did before we had children, and I think it was a very eye opening journey about RISK.

    If you knew your child had a chance of dying or suffering after a round of shots, would parents take their children to the doctor so trustingly? No, of course not.  Parents have built in risk assessors, they automatically know what is safest for their children. But vaccines are tricky. Because the concept is great, but the reality is terrible.

    This is going long, and, forgive me, but there is just a little more to say. Back in the 80's when I grew up, children were dying and becoming vegetables from the DTP vaccine. So they changed it because the vaccine companies were getting their pants sued off. Their new vaccine was weaker, but it didn't kill or maim so many children and that was a good thing for everyone. However, in 1986, vaccine companies became 100% totally free from liability. President Reagan signed into law the National Childhood Vaccine Injury Act which created a special court, special lawyers, and a special fund (created by taxing vaccines) to pay off vaccine injured people. Now, instead of just ANYONE going to court to get money from the vaccine companies, people had to put in a special request. If you were denied, that was the end of the road. No justice, no refund, end of story. If your request was accepted, the vaccine court heard arguments from both sides and made it REALLY hard to win your case.  Very few people have been recompensed for their losses by the US government and it really is sad.

    Also what happened in 1986 was recklessness, greed, and power. The vaccine companies were free from lawsuits, so no matter what vaccine they created, they were safe. And boy did they ever create those vaccines. Look at the comparison:

    Do you happen to see the same explosion I do? I am extremely thankful I was born in 1982, let me tell you that.  Immune stimulating events, especially at very young ages, can REALLY mess up babies.  It's in the science literature about T1 and T2 responses, look it up in pubmed.  And there is an immune stimulating event at birth, 2 months (8 immune stimulating events actually, because there are eight separate viruses or killed viruses or partial viruses etc. entering that bitty baby's body) 4 months, 6 months, etc.   Half the list is given to babies by age one. It's absurd. My one year old has had 2 fevers in her life. Two really 'serious' immune stimulating events. If she was up to date on her vaccinations, she would have had 33 immune stimulating events. To me that just seems way too much for any baby.

    I read that one of J.B. Handley's recommendations in his book, How to End the Autism Epidemic, is to go back to the 1980's vaccine schedule. He has more recommendations, I am very interested to read about them. But that one idea alone, to just stop the clock and go back to what we know is safer, strikes a very good chord with me. I really do expect to learn quite a bit from his book. And I REALLY hope his message is read loud and clear by the American public. We need to make a change for the future of our children.

    If you don't think this is important, think about it this way. In the U.S., there are 6,000 babies born with Down Syndrome every year. That equates to 300,000 for the past 50 years. There are 3,500,000 (more than 3 million more) people living with autism in the US. And might I say, autism is more serious than Down Syndrome in many cases. Who is going to take care of all the adults in diapers who are physically violent and can't communicate verbally or otherwise? Who is going to care for the adults who stim and bang their head all day? Who is going to take care of the adults who can't work because of sensory processing disorders? These children will never marry, never have grand babies for their parents to enjoy. And the numbers are growing, not decreasing.

    With no known 'cause' of autism out there, don't you think it's about time someone with some common sense wrote about about  How to End the Autism Epidemic, since science, the cdc and the government can't seem to do that?  I think it's about damn time and please jump on the bandwagon to save our nation.

  Thank you and have a good day. ;)

The Sisterhood of Housework

I was deep in thought as I washed dishes and threw in a load of laundry tonight. Thinking about all the mothers in America doing the same exact things I was doing, thinking about my mother friends in Honduras doing the same thing, only they have to hand wash their clothes. And it came to me that, number one, I have it very good in the way of housework, not only historically but also compared to most the women of the world, and two, I am a part of a sisterhood of wives and mothers, going back thousands of years.

Just a few years ago dishes were my enemy. Rarely were my counters ever truly clean from loads of dirty dishes piled high. I would do laundry, clean the house, anything but do wash those dishes. Until one day I realized how exciting it was to wake up to a clean counter and a clean sink. Then the stars aligned - and somehow the dishes were done several nights a week. Then almost every night, and then as if by magic (but really it just became a good habit) I started washing dishes every night after supper and it became my time to think instead of a time to curse at my lot in life. And the thinking has led me here.

Did you know that doing dishes is an honerable and worthy job? That by doing dishes (and various other household chores) we enter the sisterhood of billions of women both past, present and future? That by doing these seemingly meanial jobs we are working for a much higher calling of being caretakers of the ones God has entrusted to us? By doing dishes, we are enabling future generations to walk the planet. Just think if we stopped that one chore, or did such a poor job at it that our families were sickened by eating off dirty utensils. It may seem meanial, by we are ensuring that our grandchildren will walk the earth. We are doing a job we were created to do! We ought to do it well.

I have not come to the point of doing my work joyfully yet. That one will take me a few years to go. But I have come a very long ways from the lazy, complaining wife and mother I used to be. For now, there is purpose in all I do because God gave me my family and it is my solemn duty to care for them as best as I can. I work with purpose now and that is one good step in the right direction.

photography © The Fitzwilliam Museum, Cambridge

Thoughts on Mowgli

This past year, the girls have moved from story books at bed time to chapter books. We started out with Grimm's fairy tales, read both Curdie books by George Macdonald, and after a few others ended up with The Jungle Book by Rudyard Kipling.

We have several Disney versions of the story. Thet're cute, colorful, and fun to read. Rudyard's original tale is not cute or fun to read. The dialogue has been over the girls' heads so often I'll have to explain it and reread it even for myself to grasp. The subject matter is also a little hard, as life in the wild usually involves prey and pedator, life and death and suffering.

What got me was the ending. I didn't realize it was such a short story, as it is actually a collection of jungle stories. Disney had me thinking Mowgli still had to dance with the monkeys, when the story stoppied so abruptly on a very emotional note. How emotional? I was bawling, trying to read the last page. The girls stared at me as I wiped away tears and tried to read through them. Evie comforted me, hugging me and saying, "That's ok mom, sometimes movies make me cry."

What Disney fails to tell is the meat of the story. True love. Real rejection. Heartbreak. Real life.  I appreciate the actual story now that it's read. Life is not all sunsets and roses. People really do love and get rejected in real life. Sometimes doing what is right hurts. As Mowgli cried the first tears in his life I joined in - the story just begs for empathy on this little boy's plot in life.

This also made me think about children's Bible stories. How they water down the real events so children are, in a sense, protected from the harshness of life. Lately we've been going through first and second Samuel at church. Words used to describe the most recent stories od David and his son Absolom are: plot, murder, intrigue, anguish, sorrow.

In my cush american life with the Disney stories and children's Bibles, it is refreshing to read the Real Story. Real love sacrifices, real love hurts, but in the end it is real love that saves us and someday we will see our True Love once again.

Meekness and Majesty

Bread

I love to make bread. Yeast breads, specifically. That smell of rising dough is absolutely amazing. When I started on this healthy food kick, pretty early on I realized that gluten was the devil. My husband found a great e-book on bread and since I hate reading books on the computer we got the real book as well.

The Vintage Remedies Guide to Bread can be found here on Amazon.  Jessie Hawkins is amazing, that's all I have to say! This book details why the bread we buy at the store is not good for us, and goes into how to make bread that IS good for us!  She covers both gluten and gluten free in this book, which is a really big deal for most people who want to still have bread without the gluten.

Right now I'm making her basic sourdough loaf of bread. It has been a long while since I've sourdoughed. Mainly because we were going gluten free and didn't have a lot of alternative flours on hand, also because I ran out of the flour I use for my starter.

So the key to making GOOD bread, is, in a nutshell, sourdough.  Soaking. Fermenting. Making the grains easily digestible and nutritious for our body.  The yeast we buy from the store wasn't always sold that way you know. Go back over 100 years and yeast is not there, people made their own honest to goodness yeast by mixing flour and water, and leaving it on the counter. Those little buggers are so important! They break down the bad parts of grain, leaving us with all those great b vitamins and nutrients that our body can easily absorb. And, if you sourdough long enough, even glutenous grains will produce a final product with very little gluten in it (thanks to those little buggers!)

This book is amazing to read. If you are grain free, wheat free, gluten free, etc. but still love bread, read this book. It changed my view on grains. Granted, if we have a grain I try really hard to be prepared and soak it before eating it now. We don't eat very many grains but we do eat them and if possible I prepare them the right way because it is so important for our gut health!!

Hopefully my sourdough will turn out and we can have it fresh and hot from the oven, slathered in butter. Can't wait!!!!